Bus Stop
by bluesimageburgundy
Summary: Caroline is wasting time with Enzo but her heart and mind are elsewhere. An attempt to capture that feeling of longing for someone when you're with someone else.


Another sleepless night, it seemed. I jerked the blanket away from Enzo and wrapped it more snugly around myself. Even though vampires didn't need as much sleep, it was one thing that I never wanted to give up doing. I stared up at the ceiling fan spinning in the strip of moonlight slipping in through the curtains. I kicked one foot free of the sheet and watched my pink painted toes wiggle.

I thought about Stefan. I was always thinking about Stefan. Sometimes I felt like my entire life now was just one big distraction from thinking about Stefan. And it wasn't even a good distraction. I hadn't seen him since we parted ways after leaving Mystic Falls. I had just assumed that we would go away together. So when he told me that he was going alone, I was hurt. Of course I was hurt.

So now I wasted time with Enzo, who HAD invited me along, while spending all of my time thinking about Stefan. It wasn't a perfect set up, but it was my current situation and I had learned to live with it. Stefan had texted me earlier. That he missed me. Was thinking about me. A rare bit of contact from him that sparked my mind into overdrive.

Was he okay? Where was he? What was he doing? Who was he with?

Enzo tossed a heavy arm across my waist. I lifted his hand by one finger and dropped his hand back in the direction of his body. Stefan had asked about him. Said that "that bastard better realize how lucky he is". I analyzed that over and over in my mind. Lucky what? To be alive? Or to be with me? A shiver ran through me at the thought of Stefan being jealous. Then I rebuked myself for the indulgence. I was his best friend. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel bad because of me. But he had to realize that Enzo was nothing to me, right? Of little more importance than the furniture that decorated our hotel suite. And of slightly less importance than the beautiful view of the vineyard out the window and my silky, faux-fur trimmed movie-star robe.

Normally I would feel bad thinking such things about someone I was sharing a bed with. But Enzo understood our arrangement. We were just strangers sharing a bench at the bus stop of life. Once one of our buses showed up, we were gone. No question. And that worked for us. It was better than being alone.

"It's not like I have anyone else.." I had replied. It was a risky text. I had waited nervously for a response. I was baiting him. I wanted him to admit something to me that I could only hope was true.

"Well, just be careful. I worry about you." I slumped my shoulders at his response. So brotherly. I was so lucky to have him. But why was I attempting to ruin it by pressing for more? Maybe because the need for something more was starting to affect my quality of life. The physical ache I had for him was only starting to dull before he had texted me. Now it was back. My chest was tight and my stomach fluttery. My cheeks flushed. I hadn't felt these things to such a degree in months.

"Why did you leave without me?" I regretted it immediately. I stared at my own hand in horror for sending that message.

"Did you want to come with me?" His reply was immediate.

I rolled my eyes.

"Duh! You're my best friend, Stefan." I replied honestly.

"Sometimes I'm not the easiest person to be friends with," he said. I thought about that. It was true. But not in the way that he thought. He wasn't an easy person to be JUST friends with, was the thing.

"Stefan, I love being with you. Always." I said, honest, raw.

"I'm sorry I'm not with you. I'm sorry that Enzo is. I kind of hate it, actually."

I laughed, "Really? You hide your feelings so well."

"ha ha" was his sarcastic reply.

"I would rather be with you. You know that." I said, returning the conversation to its serious tone.

I felt like I had left my body. This could not really be Stefan and Caroline talking right now. There was too much open honesty flowing between us.

"Be with me then..."

I must have read it fifty times. There was something behind that message that made my stomach flip and my cheeks flush.

I put my phone away. I took a bubble bath. I drank a glass of strawberry zinfandel, I watched an rerun of America's Next Top Model. I thought about Stefan. I remembered the way it felt to be cuddled up next to him. To feel completely safe and content, but also slightly on fire with the need to press my lips to his. I lay down next to a sleeping Enzo, beside whom I felt none of those things. Wishing I was with Stefan.

I looked out the window at my beautiful view of the vineyard, bathed in moonlight, glanced over to Enzo with his back turned away from me. It was nearly 4 am. Stefan's last message had come hours ago. I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of bed and quickly pulled on a sweater and jeans. I threw all of my favorite things in my one suitcase. Everything else we had stolen by compulsion anyway.

"What are you doing, gorgeous?" came Enzo's sleepy voice from the bed. I smiled at his bed-head.

I pushed my hair out of my face, took a deep breath and walked over to the side of the bed. I extended my hand toward him, and he placed a light kiss on it and looked at me questioningly.

"My bus is here," I kind of laughed with a shrugged.

I closed the door as he rolled over and went back to sleep, Stefan immediately back on my mind. It was time to go home.


End file.
